I knew immediately what was happening. Not sure if it was from all the Web M.D or the years of medical and nurse training. Nevertheless I’m fine now, still feeling a way. Let me start from the beginning. Aidan an I are on the patio taking in the morning air, I’m sipping my tea, leaning back in my chair…

Aidan (my son) comes over to take his smoothie from me, he’s sipping away. Not realizing his little gentle foot is under my chair leg, I come down from leaning back in the chair to adjust in my chair. He starts wailing! I pick him up immediately into my arms; like he was once again an infant. I wanted to cry right along with him. I kept it together, I laid him down went for ice immediately after seeing swelling. Of course he wouldn’t take the remedy.

My thoughts is get dress in a hurry, emergency room it is! Then I think let me call the nurse line. I do unsuccessfully the first time getting through due to the fact the options were not computing in my mind, I hang up and dial again, go through a series of prompts. By this time I’m hovering over the toilet. Breath getting heavier, feel prickly all over, am i having acupuncture?, room is spinning, I must sit down. On the toilet I sit, head hanging down nearly in my lap.

I call to Danielle, my dad’s wife… “I’m having a panic attack”!!!, while the nurse is now on the line, telling her to give me a minute. Explain quickly to Danielle of the happenings. I feel like I’m inside my body feeling and hearing everything happening internally. Think Pixar’s film,”Inside Out”!

I’M FREAKING OUT! Nurse proceeds with questioning in order to determine what I should do next. “Have you tried any home remedies? Any numbness in the area? Any blue coloring of the toes? Signs of fever? Swelling within 30 minutes of injury? Any trauma leading up to incident? Any signs of child  abuse? I had to have her repeat the last question, I thought that’s what she said but had to be sure… “Any signs of child abuse”? NO!

While still in the midst of this panic attack, I gather enough breath and strength to get through the line of questioning. For her to then tell me… “Contact your primary physician, he should be seen today”.

Fine… Danielle keeping Aidan calm and entertained with a frosted loaded cupcake all the while, insists he is fine. No pain in the area (as she moves his foot around), he can walk on it just fine. Which seems to still be the case, as at this moment he is jumping and doing stunts off my feet!

As a parent our first instinct is usually emergency room visit! DAMN IT! Hours of our lives in a drab, cold place!

This incident was totally my fault so I’m even more so like GRAB YOUR SHIT AND HIS, GET TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM! This time… BREATHE! Examine and watch him and hold him closely.

The time I have spent in emergency room only to be prescribed an over the counter medicine or a HOME REMEDY such as ice, elevating the limb, oh and our favorite children’s tylenol for pain! How is it recommended for me to see a doctor when all the answers to your questions are no??? It’s a racket MOM’s, PARENTS! They play on our emotions running high and here my emotions were at a all time high.

I feel so guilty! This incident was my fault, no fault of my son’s but mine! I was a spinning top out of control! Thrown for a loop, SHIT I’m the one who needed the health questionnaire, I need a trip to a VACATION ROOM!